You know why I’m hurting?
It’s because I’ve been here before. I’ve been stuck in the same old spot not so long ago…
I never really got over the trauma. All the lies and empty words haunt me. I’ve heard it all and it’s being repeated over and over.
It hits me so hard, like being stabbed in the chest… like a steady, boring pain and it gets too hard to breathe.
So desperate to fall asleep but the thoughts in my head are too loud, so I just close my eyes and wait until my body gives in…
But then the nightmares haunt me in my slumber. There’s no pain but my greatest fears flash before my eyes. I wake up and the pain is back and I’m more tired than I’ve ever been before sleeping.
This is my everyday cycle.
I used to wait everyday… waiting for answers that I will never get.
Am I worth the lies? Am I worth all the pain?
The pain is not about losing you but the fear from hearing those words again.
And now I’m stuck in this cycle like before…
You brought back that feeling I once ran away from.
The feeling of trusting someone and you end up with the feeling of neglect and abandonment. It’s when you got a lot of questions but you just wait… wait for something to happen but you realize you’re waiting for nothing. So you try to escape the pain… you live each day trying to get over it… you know you must get over it.