To the girl who once broke my heart 

Everyone who knew our backstory knows we have the oddest relationship–even her mom thinks it’s really weird. How can anyone be best friends with the girl your ex boyfriend cheated on you with, right? But the universe has a way of putting things in place and answers all your questions at the right time. We were both miserable, trying to question our worth… trying to figure out what’s wrong about ourselves, but then we found each other and realized our ex is really just an asshole with fucked up morals. So yeah… finding each other was the “good karma” we deserved. 

Half a year through and we look more like each other now, I realized we’ve been talking every single day… she’s actually the only constant thing in my life now and I mean that in a platonic way. We welcomed each other in the industry and it’s funny now that people think we always go together. I pushed her to get a job at the dj school I’m in and she’s like a roadie and make up artist to me now and together, we became part of an even bigger family. 

Here it goes: 

JANUARY 17, 2017 1:01 AM

I was trying to write something tonight but there was just too much noise in my head, I had to let each thought out one at a time…

DISCLAIMER: This is not a love proposal, I swear. I’m straighter than straight.HAHA I’m just a sucker for letters and I’m like this as a friend. 

TO THE GIRL WHO ONCE BROKE MY HEART, 

First of all, I want to say thank you. Thank you for setting me free. I was drowning from my thoughts on how and why he did what he did to me; from what I’ve become when I loved him and when I thought that love was reciprocated. And now, all my questions were answered—he didn’t love me. Maybe there was a part of him that wanted me but that can’t be equal to love. I still believe he loved you. It might be for the wrong reasons or in the wrong ways but somehow, I can say his love for you was more real than what he felt for me. 

I used to tell him I don’t want to live in your shadow. I used to envy you, used to ask him why he flaunted you and didn’t do the same with me. When he started bringing me to places I thought that things would get better. I was dwelling on how he treated you compared to me because I only knew about the superficial, what’s written in public, what’s up in social media. I gave him up because I believed you made him happy. I didn’t fight for him because I believed I can’t be a match to you. There was even a time that my friends told me he posted your picture with the caption “#girlfriendgoals” and I knew then that both of you are happy. I was dealing with my own happiness then that I didn’t care anymore… but deep inside, I still wondered why I was never enough. 

I was so naive to believe that he changed when he came back. I always wondered what happened to you but I guess I was dwelling on the idea that he found his way back to me that I forgave what happened to us. I thought this was the fix. I can’t trust him anymore but the thought that he was paying for what he did brought me a certain kind of relief. I should’ve know it was too good to be true. 

Now, I’m just grateful I learned about the truth. Now I know why they say “the truth will set you free.” I have not fully recovered but you’ve set me free from the pain he caused me and for that, I love you. It’s not the romantic girl to girl kind of love but like a love someone has for a sister. I never had a sister and all my dearest girl friends have filled that space for me. It’s not the kind of love you have with your best friends with a long list of adventures spent together but a love that says I’ll be here if and when you need me. I only have a few trusted friends and I already consider you as one of them. I’m not saying it like it’s a privilege and I’m not expecting you to reciprocate that but I just want you to know that I trust you, it’s simple as that. And if fate permits that friends do come and go, I have to say I’m not going anywhere. 

I want you to know that you are a beautiful person and what we’ve been through can’t lessen that. I believe you will be successful in reaching your dreams and you shouldn’t let any man or person hinder you from doing so. I know it’s just easy to say to make each struggle a stepping stone but I can say that it has always been true. Reach for your dreams and once you’ve become whole again, love will find its way back to you. I hope you find love that you truly deserve and not just a mediocre feeling just for the sake of having one. 

I’m happy you’re a lot better than your state before and I hope it gets easier in the coming days. 

So to the girl who once broke my heart, thank you for helping me fix it. You helped me in more ways than one can imagine and I’ll forever be grateful.

So to any dude who fucked us over and will fuck us over in the future… please think more than twice. If you hurt her, I will kill you and if you hurt me, she would do something worse than that. LOL JUST KIDDING… or not? 

Nah… we won’t waste time on you… your karma will fuck you up. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s